Do you want a girl who walks like a T-Rex? Maybe you’re looking for somebody who chews so loudly that you’ll feel like you’re dating the Cookie Monster? Or perhaps you want a partner who applies mustard to fries by squeezing it into their hand and then smearing it all over their food? Well if you said yes to any of the above then you’re in luck, because as you can see from this hilarious list of reasons that people have been dumped, all of these folks are now currently single!
Compiled by Bored Panda, the stories below contain some of the funniest and most bizarre reasons that people have decided to break up with somebody. Let us know which one’s the best, and if you’ve had a funny or bizarre breakup then don’t forget to add it to the list below!
We had planned to do dinner and a movie but I had to work late, so we stopped at Chik-Fil-A on the way to the theater. After she finished eating, she threw her trash out of my car and into the street. I never spoke to her again after that day.
His toenails were so long they clicked on the floor like a dog.
We are at a local brewery and she looks as though she is about to cry. I ask her what the problem is and she mentions that they don’t have any vegan options. They have plenty of vegetarian options that allow for you to substitute for vegan cheese, so I suggest that. At this point tears are rolling down her cheek. I ask if she has another place in mind and she immediately perks up. We head over to that restaurant and she orders fish tacos.
I took her out to eat. I said I wanted the salmon, she suggested I ordered a burger ‘like a man’.
I dated this girl who was the loudest eater I ever met. She constantly chewed with her mouth open and smacked her lips. God forbid if she really liked it, then there came a litany of mmms and noms as well. It was like dating the cookie monster.
She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. No substitutions. Not chicken tenders. Not chicken strips. If we went somewhere without nuggets and fries she would just order a Coke and watch me eat.
I once made the mistake of cooking dinner for her. She took one bite and asked if I would be offended if she ran to McDonalds to get nugs/fries.
The voice she used to baby talk to her dog was insufferable. Occasionally she would use it on me but not a lot. Then one night she asked me, “Can I sucky on your dicky?” It was the first, and last, time I turned down sexual activity. We broke up right then and there.
I once broke up with a girl because she couldn’t ever decide on something. I would say, “Lets go to the movies” and I’d even ask what movie she wanted to see, and she would NEVER make up her mind. Drove me nuts.
Turns out she had another boyfriend, and when I confronted her about it, she told me “She couldn’t decide between the two of us.” fml
She ate my burger that I ordered at Chili’s. I asked her if she wanted food. She said no. Right as the food came I went to the bathroom. I came back and the f*cking burger was gone. “Oops I’m sorry I was a little hungry.” F you.
I hung in there for like 2 years.. The thing that did me in? She made noises, like all the time, and then giggle at herself.
She’d sit down in a chair “ploppppp, hehe.” She’d fluff up a pillow “foof foof foof hehe.” She’d use the TV remote “pshew pshew hehe.” We’d eat out “cunch cunch hehe.”
At the end, I wanted to jump off the roof.
She asked what I would do if someone poked a hole in my condom.
She used to sneak up on me while I’m peeing, grab hold of my junk and start aiming for me.
Eventually, I started to fake being startled so I’d have an excuse to piss on her feet, in the hopes that she would realize it’s a bad idea.
I once broke up with a girl because I thought she was hiding something and was going to break up with me. Turns out she was indeed hiding something: a trip to the Caribbean. For us.
I was an idiot at 22.
She didn’t believe in the moon landing
She was putting mustard on her fries by applying it to her hand first and then rubbing it all over the fries. Then she licked the mustard off her hand. You would never ever think she would do this by looking at her or speaking to her.
I dated a girl for a short time, based on a blind date. One night, we were driving to dinner and I was telling a story. I ended by saying “It was funny as hell.”
She looked at me and asked, “Do you really think hell is funny?”
Awkward dinner was the last dinner.
She would belch like a trucker, and then look at me excitedly for approval. One time she forced the belch too hard, and threw up in her own lap like a sick dog.
She was a one-upper. She’d have a better version of every one of my stories.
I was 9 at the time. Got a girlfriend on a Thursday, my mom got me glasses that weekend. I came back to school with glasses and the moment my girlfriend saw me she said “ewwww you dork” and broke up with me. She’s a heroin addict now.
She would constantly talk specifically during the dialogue of movies. In scenes where nobody was talking…silence. Then as soon as somebody started talking:
“DID YOU READ THAT ARTICLE ON SHEA BUTTER IN THE PAPER?”
Every time I yawned she thought it hilarious if she stuck her finger in my open mouth. I could never relaxalways had to be prepared for oral violation
She said nickelback was modern day Shakespeare.
He was really nice, but when we got to speaking on Facebook and text he could barely spell anything, and didn’t find grammar necessary. I felt bad until he called me a bitch.
Was staying at a beachhouse with girlfriend and her family. Outdoor shower. I’m in there fapping up a storm because, I don’t know, it felt appropriate at the time. You ever get that feeling that someone is watching you? Turns out you can look down into the shower from the top deck railing and her mom and aunt are laughing it up like little girls watching me operate the dutch rudder. I didn’t say a single word to girlfriend, got in my car, drove 3 hours home. Just never called her.
She had the same name as my sister. I liked her and tried, but I just couldn’t do it.
On our first date, I brought her home. I went to let my dog out for a grand total of five minutes, and she shaved her genitals using my razor. I came back in, went in the bathroom, and it was like a shaving cream bomb went off. Then I noticed my razor, wet with hairs on it. I have a full beard, and hadn’t used it in over a week. She then played it off like nothing happened, and there was nothing she felt like telling me.
She put the spoon into the sugar jar after stirring her coffee. Would leave clumps of coffee sugar.
She’d wait until she had the bartender’s attention and then start to decide what she wanted to drink.
He didn’t eat anything but potatoes, peanut butter, and ramen. He wasn’t a broke college student, just a f*cking picky eater. Nope. Adios.
She would always say how much she loved to travel, but has never been outside of California. Retweeting, reblogging, Instagram, everything about her “travels to the grocery store” or “my travels to Yosemite”. I ended it cause I said I needed space, last thing she said to me was “good luck on your travels”.
He put A1 all over filet mignon I made him for Valentine’s Day. This was not some shit big box filet — hand cut and selected specially for the occasion by butchers I know.
And he wanted it well done.
Woman’s gotta have a code, man…. Some shit ain’t right.
He ate my lunch while I left to get napkins for him. The only meals I ever really got my junior year was the free lunch provided from the school district for low income families. He didn’t know that and assumed it was OK because I usually don’t get mad over those kind of things but I was on my period and just got done with stupid standardized testing. So I walked away and never looked back.
We got in a fight because he didn’t want me drinking green tea. (He was Mormon) I was fine with the Mormonism but he claimed green tea was bad for my health.
I suspected her of stealing my Pokmon card. Nothing special, just a Pikachu, but damn, when my suspicions settled in, I smashed all ties with her. I miss being 11.
I had an ex leave me after five years so she could “go be young”. About three years later she has two kids and she’s divorced.
I was a 15 year old freshmen and she was 17 year old senior. When we started dating, she said she wanted to wait two months before having sex. I was a virgin and wasn’t even really worried about it so I agreed. Then a month later things got hot and heavy and she insisted that we do it; I asked “are you sure? You said you wanted to wait” but she insisted on banging it out anyways. Afterwards, she said that it was a test to see if I would actually wait like I said I would. Then she dumped me.
She always said “I don’t mind” as the answer to every question put to her. What film do you want to see? What do you want from the chippy? What club do you want to go to tonight? Always “I don’t mind” so I would make a choice only to be met with
“ugh, I don’t like that. I would rather [insert choice]”
Drove me up the walls.
I met this gorgeous Kenyan girl. Beautiful to put it simply. I took her to a baseball game and things were going well. But she kept referring to the crowd as “the humans” or “you humans”. For instance, 3rd inning comes around and so does the wave. Once it passes us, she sits down, laughs and says “You humans have weird customs.” This freaked me out. All I could think was if we are the humans… wtf are you?!
He used water in his cereal instead of milk.
She had lower self esteem than me. No one has lower self esteem than me. NO ONE, JERRY
Shallowest reason here but with zero exaggeration – her natural laugh was a bellowing siren that sounded extremely forced and fake. During a normal conversation, this reverse duck call would sporatically ring through the public area causing literal standstills, quickly followed by several groups paying full attention to our table just waiting for the next siren to go off. And it would – with the exact same pitch, volume and length.
I absolutely hate anime. Not shitting on it, that’s just my brutally honest opinion. I don’t know why, but I just can’t stand it. Anyways, I didn’t have a problem with her loving anime, but I did have a problem with her forcing me to watch it all the time, saying “I’d grow to like it”, but if anything my disliking towards it only grew stronger. We couldn’t find something we both wanted to watch, no no, we had to watch anime.
It’s actually story of someone breaking up with me. She said on a dinner that things aren’t working out and we need to break up. I said: OK! she said: you are really inconsiderate, I was trying to give you another chance! I said: do I have any chance? She said: NO! I said OK! I don’t know why she started throwing fries at me!!!
She would always make points by asking opposing questions.
For example, “Do I like crunchy peanut butter? No. Do I like creamy peanut butter? Yes.”
It happened three or four times a day. And never in a scenario that made sense to be formatted that way. I didn’t even break up with her. I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to her out of fear of having an aneurysm.
She broke up with me because I was & I’m paraphrasing “an unhinged atheist “
Ps I’m just a research scientist.
I have two. One guy ate like a t-rex. He would keep his elbows by his side while he ate and leaned over to get his food off his fork. Another guy had no shape to the back of his head. His neck just went straight up. Both named Chris.
I had left him in the restaurant because he said that cats are stupid. I asked once again: “So, you’re saying that MY cat is stupid???” He said: “Yes …” I stood up and went away. That was our first (and last!) date.
She called herself “pretty much a psychologist” after taking Psych 1000.
I got along with her father, she liked me because I was a rebel. I still miss her dad.
She didn’t know butter was made from milk.
She would sing along with songs that were playing on the radio, but with a delay of .5 seconds, like she knew the tune, but didn’t know the words until she HEARD them. It got SO annoying, SO quickly. Nope.
He mispronounced words. Drove me crazy. Subtle was one of the words. He said SUB til. I just couldn’t…
I was the one got dumped but I was talking on the phone to my then girlfriend and my brother says “what if you take her home, and find out her dick is bigger than yours?” I laughed. She asked me what was so funny and I (like an idiot) told her. She broke up with me as soon as I was done telling her. Thinking back on it, I wonder if my brother was right?
I once had a girlfriend’s dad tell his own daughter that she wasn’t good enough for me. No shit. The Japanese are brutal.
She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving.
Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencers. Gym-boooo-ree (that’s how she would say it)
She would only eat at restaurants that served Mountain Dew. If they did not, she could/would not eat there.
I kicked that one to the curb quickly and with no hesitation because that’s f*cking insane.
She had the smelliest upper buttcrack. Its almost as if she would wash her buttcrack with a dirtier buttcrack
I broke up with this guy after going out twice because he ended up having NO sense of humor & I love to laugh. After I broke up with him I started getting multiple phone calls on a daily basis from car dealerships – they would always start the conversation off with “Im sorry but I know Im going to pronounce your name wrong”…followed by names such as: Ms. Cuntarella, Ms. Bitschface & Ms. Fatasse. IM NOT KIDDING YALL. Sad thing is, I laughed SO HARD because damn, thats original!
She said she was a big Pink Floyd fan. Later, didn’t recognize Pink Floyd on the radio.
1 gf broke up with me because her best friend just broke up with her bf a couple days before. Didn’t know our relationships were tied together like that
I took a bus, ferry, and subway to commute to her place.
She wouldn’t reciprocate. The commuting distribution was wildly uneven! Trains! Boats! Busses!
“I seen that the other day” NOPE. BYE.
He spoiled Doctor Who for me. Serious spoilers.
On a first date we had a coffee then went for a walk at his suggestion to somewhere he liked. We walked for 20 minutes and then he stopped and said thoughtfully, ‘I thought we’d sit here.’ I turn around expecting a bench, but its just the pavement, and its facing a car park. No second date.
i once dated a guy who would occasionally talk on the phone to someone in Spanish who he claimed to be his mother. it turned out to be his girlfriend.
We ate mushrooms one night in college and we were coming down laying in bed and I realized she had a weird smell about her. I forgot about it, fell asleep, and after a couple more times seeing each other I ended it because the smell was permanent. Her natural aroma. I just couldn’t shake it. It was like a combination of poppers and sweaty feet. We weren’t a great match anyways but the smell made the choice easy.
I was dating a guy briefly early this Spring. He was a bigger guy, about 6’4″ and 250 lbs. Two weeks into dating, when I’d try to have a conversation with him, he started to use this tiny, nasally, lispy baby voice to talk to me with! He said stuff like “oh mah gerd”, “awww, poor baybay” or “cool story bro”…even had a movie quote for every scenario. All in the lispy baby voice! It was the biggest turn off ever, so I ghosted. No wonder he is single.
I’m really into craft beers and I get super excited when I go to a place with a really big tap and/or bottle selection. I was on a second date with a guy and we were at a local bar with one of the best bottle selections in town. As I’m standing there analyzing the different bottles, trying to narrow down what I’d like to try, he orders us two Busch Lites.
I stopped returning his calls after that.
My brother (who is a bit of a shithead anyways) broke up with a girl because she had dentures and didn’t tell him. (She had been in an accident and had all her teeth knocked out.) He tried to paint it as her being dishonest, but I called bullshit. She let him put it in, and he was ready to move on to the next one.
I made a comment about hating the fact that there are security cameras everywhere.
She fired back with the bullshit “nothing to hide, nothing to fear” argument. I knew we weren’t meant to be.
She left me because she thought I was going to leave her for another guy. I’m bisexual, and was head over heels in love with her.
I broke up with a guy because he was forcing me to be a fat, furry characters in our roleplays, even when i told him so many times that I hate these things. That was not the only thing, he even forgot my birthday, flirted with my, under age female friend, and even with my ex. The last drop was when he started me sending fake pictures of his genitals, which were much bigger than his real ones, he then blamed me that I made it all up.
I briefly dated a lady who was very attractive but, I soon learned, probably fell comfortably into the 5th percentile of IQ. I’m from Africa and told her about traditional weddings in my country, where a cow would often be slaughtered in front of the guests, for their consumption. She screwed up her face and said something like “Oh my god, who eats cows?”. I looked at her for a moment, and asked “Do you eat beef?”. “Yes,” came the reply. I got up and left shortly afterwards.
She always ordered food, ate half of it, then ate half of mine. Then she would offer to share what she ordered, but I didn’t like the stuff she ordered.
During sex, her giant dog jumped up on the bed and licked my balls from behind. Freaked me out, and I completely ghosted her after that. We were doing doggy style.
Her voice was annoying and when speaking she placed emphasis on the weirdest parts of the sentence.
Got a divorce because I came home from deployment and my house was super dirty. Like hoarder dirty.
She said one of my dogs was, “kinda ugly.”
She had a mole on her eyelid. Every time I kissed her I saw it when I was leaning in. I started having dreams that the mole was talking to me…. That was the end.
She ate her peas one at time. One at a time!
She wouldn’t change the volume on the TV to an even number. I mean how hard is it to put the TV on 30 instead of 29
Every time we (french) kissed, she said, “Yummy!”
It was meant to be sexy. It. Wasn’t.
She asked for ketchup for her steak at an an expensive steakhouse.
She wouldn’t french kiss when we made out! I couldn’t wrap my head around what she thought making out was. What do you do in this situation?! Do you just peck at one another’s face until you become aggravated and try to move on? The dynamics were just all wrong.
Barbeque sauce. She was from St. Louis and decided that St. Louis style was the ONLY bbq sauce that she would use. I season and smoke a beautiful brisket, and she slathers it with sweet bbq sauce WITHOUT EVEN TRYING IT AS IT WAS INTENDED.
I’m getting angry now.
She walked like a T. Rex
She walked too slow. We’d go out somewhere and walk down the street and I’d turn around and she’s like 20 feet behind me.
She held her fork overhanded, as in the shovel technique. You can’t take someone like that anywhere.
The guy I was with kept sighing when he didn’t know what to say. Also he blinked slowly. It drove me mad
She watched me play Halo and told me I wasn’t as good as I thought I was.
A guy left me because I was doing my Master in Cultural Studies. He said that it’s not serious course enough and I haven’t planned my futhure well. Two weeks later, he was dating a a two-classes-lower student of the same studies.
I can not blame him, she had like amazing boobs.
I know someone who broke up with their SO because whenever they took a bite from a fork they would bite down on it while they slid it out of their front teeth. Makes me cringe thinking about it.
I asked him to bring a bottle of red wine to go with dinner and he brought Raspberry Arbor Mist.
I went out with a girl a few times who was completely normal whenever she was around me, but whenever I saw her with her friends she morphed into one of those weird, screaming, over-excited girls who seem like a flock of chickens. Big turn-off.
He once came with his eyes open and crossed. Just really freaked me out. I could never get the picture of his face out of my mind after that.
He and I were living in different states, I was still studying and wanted to pursue a career where I currently was, while he had a great job back home. He was self conscious about the distance between us and gave me an ultimatum, be with him and some point marry him or end things. Well, I guess you know how it went.
She drank beer from a can through a straw. Not the only reason we broke up, but that was the straw that broke it.
She always wanted to cuddle/touch me/flirt while I was eating. I told her it bothered me, but she thought it was cute or something so she did it often. One night while eating a slice of pizza she kept rubbing her hand up and down my arm, I had decided enough was enough and loudly broke up with her.
Years ago I dated a guy who was obsessed with cherry Chapstick. He’d slather it on obsessively including before we’d have sex. Recently a friend was matched with him on OKCupid and asked me if I knew him. I was telling her about the Chapstick thing, and as she scrolls through his profile, we see a list of top 5 things he can’t do without. Number 1? CHERRY CHAPSTICK.
When she wore heels, she walked like Jar-Jar-Binks. You know what I’m talking about.
He lived on a busy street. His bedroom had two large windows that faced the street.
When making tea, she didn’t stir it, but clanked the spoon noisily against each side of the cup repeatedly.
I once broke up with a guy because he legit thought he was a dragon. I was half tunned out on the phone since he called when sailor moon was on. He started up with this “Im a dragon and you’re a dragon. We’re both dragons and that’s why we get along so well”. I wasn’t paying to much attention but when he brought be a dragon pendant to school the next day, that was pretty much it.
She pronounced it “cold slaw”
He called it ‘Malk’ and drank it with dinner. Every. Day. (Milk! With an ‘i’ goddamn it)
This girl was taking too many selfies with me, showing me off to so many people, sexy girl but I felt like a cat.
I was dating a guy, and we were together for about 5 months when all of the sudden he told me that it wasn’t working out. I asked him why, he said that I was “too good to him” and then that was the last I heard from him. Lamest excuse ever to give to someone..
We had just started seeing each other and one day he started telling me about a cougar that hit on him at the gym (she made eye contact). He wouldn’t stop talking about her so I blocked him. I wonder if he actually got a date with the cougar.
He had been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend for two weeks because he’d been feeling neglected. I had been enrolled in a therapy group by my doctor for clinical depression and social anxiety. A week later, he tells me he broke up with her and wants me back. I said no. He sent a last resort dick pic. I still said no. The next day, his girlfriend finds me on Facebook and messages me to stop bothering her man. His stupidity was mind boggling. I’m happily single.
I dated a guy I had known since we were kids, but had been years since we had seen each other. The first weekend I spent with him, we went to the bar with his friends. After, we all went to his house to watch some stand-up comedy. At one point he got up, went into the kitchen, pissed in fridge, then proceeded to walk back into the living room where he face-planted/passed out into a deep drunken slumber.
The red flag was his friends told me “Don’t worry. He does this all the time”
One day I realized she looked like Paul Dano and I couldn’t unsee it. That was it.
She said she saw my dead mother in my room in the middle of the night while I went to the toilet. I asked her to leave and that was the end.
Kindergarten: He proposed with a grape candy ring. It tasted like Advil.
He plucked his eyelashes.
No, I’m not confused, I mean his actual eyelashes, on his actual lids.
He would whine like a puppy when we made out … thats a no for me
For wearing too much pink. Some days her entire outfit was bright pink. No thanks
He had a mole on his back. Every time we had sex and I touched it, I thought it was a spider. No can do.
She pronounced it “supposibly”.