We know, it feels like
We thought a timeline of Drumpf’s first month in office would be a little hard to swallow all at once, so we paired it with the most appropriate spoonful of sugar we could think of.
For our first reality TV star President, we paired his
accomplishments travesties with GIFs of The Bachelor contestants crying!
Note: If you really want to get the full experience, we suggest playing Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. while reading.
January 20 – Trump’s Inauguration speech is full of the kind of faux populism and jingoistic, xenophobic nonsense that got him elected.
This was the moment we knew it was real.
Oh, his first day also marked his first executive order — a step towards repealing the Affordable Care Act — and his first memorandum — making all health, safety, financial, and security regulations go through his office first from now on.
Corporations rejoice, sick people weep.
January 23 – Trump reinstates the “Mexico City Policy,” removing any funding to any foreign organization that OKs abortion as a part of family planning.
Of course he’s not Pro Choice, he’s not even Pro Consent.
January 24 – Trump gets totally totalitarian by silencing all national agencies, gagging them on social media.
Oh, and Remember that Dakota Access Pipeline everyone with a soul was against? Yeah, that’s back on the fast track, along with the Keystone XL Pipeline.
Oh, did we mention Trump directly financially benefits from this?
January 27 – Trump enacts his “Muslim Ban,” suspending the U.S. Refugee Admissions Program (to be later reworked to include religious criteria) and suspending travel from seven major Muslim countries — Iraq, Iran, Sudan, Libya, Yemen, Somalia, and Syria.
The order immediately causes chaos, traps U.S. citizens, and gets POTUS sued by multiple states.
February 1 – Trump makes it clear at a Black History Month meeting that he has no idea who Frederick Douglass was.
He also declares Black History Month is changing to African American History Month.
February 2 – The Donald starts his petty feud with Arnold Schwarzenegger, making fun of his ratings on The Apprentice (a show Trump is still listed as a producer on BTW) at the NATIONAL PRAYER BREAKFAST!
Meanwhile, mouthpiece Kellyanne Conway creates her own terrorist incident called the “Bowling Green Massacre.” Rather than denounce her, Trump later plays into the narrative, saying the national media aren’t reporting terrorism.
This sinking in yet?
February 6 – The U.K.’s Parliament actually blocks the POTUS from giving a traditional speech, citing his being a “nasty misogynist.”
So much for that special relationship.
February 7 – The Donald makes more false claims, this time about the U.S. murder rate being higher than ever.
Just more fear-mongering to keep his base scared and alone.
February 8 – Trump gets into a row with Nordstrom’s over their dropping Ivanka Trump; Kellyanne Conway drops all pretense of ethics and plugs the clothing line on national TV.
She gets off with a slap on the wrist.
February 9 – A small victory! The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals upholds a judge’s ruling that the Muslim ban is potentially unconstitutional and can’t be reinstated!
Nothing good has happened in so long. We’re actually kinda confused.
February 12 – Trump’s portrait removed from the Library Of Congress over spelling errors.
Yeah, that’s just a bad look for our whole country.
February 13 – Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Trump breaks up with his National Security Adviser — over illegal contact with the government of Russia.
Still no charges filed, but at least now there’s finally bipartisan support to investigate Trump’s red ties.
February 15 – Trump gets combative in his press conference with Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu to complain about the way Michael Flynn (whom HE just fired btw) is being treated by the press.
But he made himself feel better by talking about beating Hillary Clinton again.
February 17 – Trump specifically names almost every major news organization in a tweet calling the press America’s biggest enemy.
THIS IS WHAT DICTATORS DO!
February 18 – Trump holds a “campaign event,” essentially his first rally for 2020.
Less than a month in, and he’s already campaigning for 2020!
It’s good evidence that he preferred running for President over BEING President. But it also means we may be facing a full four years of election coverage.
Are we being big liberal crybabies? Yes. Because we see the big freedom experiment that is America dying at the undersized hands of a petty power-grabber.
But soon no one will be crying. We’ll all be too desensitized.
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