A Side-By-Side Comparison Of The Things Men And Women Say To Me In Bars

Brian: How old are you? 22? Shit, haha, you sort of look younger. Like, you could be in high school. I think its your face.”

Sarah: How old are you? 22? God, you are so youthful and free. Treasure these moments for the rest of your life.

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Dan: Oh, you write? That must be nice. Have you ever heard of Deutsche Bank though?”

Liz: You write? Fantastic. Whats your last name? Im going to read everything youve ever published right now in line for the bathroom.”

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Chris: Uh, so did your hot friend leave? Can I buy you a drink instead?

Emily: Your boobs look great, your smile is phenomenal. Im buying you a drink.

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Jack: Oh, FUCK. Is Kings of Leon really playing right now? Greatest band of all time. Sex On Fire? Classic. Sorry, what were you just talking about?

Nicole: Im going to gently stroke your hair as you tell me every single thing that has ever happened to you, I hope thats ok.”

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Kevin: You sort of remind me of my ex. She was a bitch, but I think she mightve been The One. I probably will never love again. Hey, can I get your number?”

Amy: This might be weird for me to say, but I think were soul mates. Are you also a Virgo? Whats your number?

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Derek: *Doesnt say anything, just sort of abruptly pushes body onto mine and spills beer onto my shoes.*

Olivia: Wanna dance? *Extends hand, spins me around, keeps appropriate distance, does not pour drink on my shoes because .*

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Jeff: I love blondes. Actually, are you blonde? Your hair is pretty dark. Whatever, girls with dark hair can be fun too. Sometimes. Eh. I do prefer blondes though.”

Maggie: Your hair looks like it was spun from gold. I would literally slaughter my family for that color. Is it natural?”

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Paul: What are you doing after this? Do you wanna sit on my fire escape and watch me smoke weed?”

Natalie: What are you doing after this? How are you getting home? Do you want pizza? Are all of your friends here? Do you feel happy and fulfilled? Can I call you a cab?”

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